i like leaving the dinner table as is

til next morning i wake up again

 

 glasses with wine stains

empty bottles and food crumbs

on white surface

 

as if laughter and small talk still hanging in the air

keep me warm on a chilly fall morning 

 

i like hosting 

even sometimes i don't eat

i will bake

watch them eat and talk

debating on funny things and i just sit on my bed 

 

things smudge in my brain at some moment  

then i can hear only silence

and feel chunks of colors moving under my eyelids

 

i think i like making people happy

and see them at home when they are with me

it makes me happy too

 

it also makes me feel like a woman

while when around men

i don't say i like baking

i ask about their latest investments and why there's no woman in their money-sucking industry

 

things are getting better now

i tell myself.

i am able to enjoy life without feeling guilty

and i stretch my overworked spine that once cried a lot.

 

we all deserve happiness 

and doing nothing

 

i hope your sunday is useless and beautiful .

​